


Goodbye, Ayato

by tell_tale_heart



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 01:43:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5520701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tell_tale_heart/pseuds/tell_tale_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki Ken and Kirishima Ayato used to be happy together, more than happy.  Perfect for each other.  Until an event from three months ago forced Kaneki to end it.  The two meet up accidentally, and end up back at Ayato's place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, Ayato

**Author's Note:**

> So.... this is a one-shot, obviously. But I am intending it to be the second or third chapter of a longer work. I like this pairing a lot. Alottalot. But the main pairing in the main story would not be these two, but instead be Kaneki/Tsukiyama. Let me know what you think of this!

Kaneki watched disinterestedly as the beer sloshed around in his glass. It was getting pretty warm by now, seeing as how he had been nursing it for the past half hour. Where were Hide and Touka? It was Christmas Eve, and this was the earliest that they were all able to get together for his birthday that had passed by four days earlier. The two of them had gotten almost to the point of begging him to come celebrate, but now they were late. And he didn't want to be out, here especially. Memories started to seep in of mischievous indigo eyes and blue-tipped locks. He gripped the handle on his glass tightly. NO. STOP.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think of something else. Anything. It didn't work. What did Dr. Itori tell him at their first meeting to do in these kinds of cases? That's right, deep breath in--

"Kaneki."

The emotional male opened his eyes and looked to the speaker. And felt his heart plummet.

Ayato.

Ayato, hair now dyed entirely midnight blue. The length grown out and grazing slender but strong shoulders. Strands partially covering his forehead. Wide blue-violet eyes looking expressionlessly at him. Waiting for some sort of response. He was just as breathtakingly beautiful as Kaneki remembered. He noticed that Ayato now had a piercing in his left ear, a sort of metallic, paper-clip shaped earring but larger than the standard size. The white-haired male wondered vaguely when his ex got it done.

All he could do for a minute or two was concentrate on his breathing. These past three months had been unbearable, and he had barely managed day to day. On some days, he made it through their front door after school and let it all out in his room, tears falling steadily, leaning against his closed door. If it hadn't been for Hide and Touka being patient with him, supporting him, not calling attention all the time to the days he was down, he didn't know if he would still be here.

"You haven't seen me in months and you have nothing to say to me?" There was a hitch in Ayato's voice, and his eyes narrowed. In anger? In pain?

There were too many words and none at the same time. Kaneki clenched the front of his own shirt, trying to shove down the pain that had begun to blossom. He pushed his beer away from him as he stood, intending to leave, not even bothering with his coat. He didn't get two steps before a strong arm barred his way. He looked down at it, resigned.

"Have a drink with me."

Kaneki turned back around in silent acquiescence, keeping his gaze on the bar in front of him. The bartender poured two shots of an amber liquid for them. Must be Crown, he thought. Always had been Ayato's favorite in mixed drinks, for some reason. He usually kept a bottle of it on hand in his apartment, though where he got it from had remained a mystery to Kaneki. He had somehow never asked. Just another unanswered question in the book of Ayato and Kaneki.

They drank their shots, no toast, no words. The older male grimaced. He had never liked the taste of it, and Ayato knew it. Kaneki waited, nervous and sad and scared. He felt the blue-haired male's eyes on him, as if trying to figure something out.

"You're coming with me." Kaneki nodded. He had expected something like this.

Silently, Kaneki slipped on his coat, wrapping his scarf around his neck. He grabbed his blue skully out of his pocket, covering the somewhat messy white locks. With that done, Ayato headed to the door, with Kaneki following. When the blue-haired male had appeared, all thought of Hide and Touka vanished.

Once outside, they trudged through the snow, boots crunching on the sidewalk. Kaneki figured they were headed to Ayato's apartment, a few blocks over. He decided not to ask. A gust of wind blew down the street, making him shiver. Christmas lights were on in each store they passed, and the night was filled with the laughter of children and adults, happy. So much happy in the air. Kaneki hated it. It was a knife to his gut, salt in his wounds.

"You followed me that night, didn't you?"

A pause. A frosty exhalation. A heart-breaking confession. "Yes."

Ayato nodded to himself, confirming what he already knew. He clenched his gloved hands into fists, and looked down, dark blue hair hiding his face. It was impossible to tell what emotion he was experiencing.

They reached Ayato's building, and the two males climbed the stairs. The heavy sound of their footsteps on the stairs was jarring against the silence that had fallen between them. Kaneki's heart thudded dully, everything that had changed in the past three months surfacing once more. It hurt, the ugly wound unknitting itself. Oozing infectious material back into his bloodstream.

The moment they were inside the apartment, Ayato slammed the door behind Kaneki, and then pushed him against it forcefully.

"Why didn't you tell me?! Huh?! Why?!" Ayato's face was inches away from him, his yells surely being heard in the next unit over. Kaneki had only seem him this worked up one time before . . .he shut off that frame of mind. Don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it.

When he didn't receive an answer, Ayato slammed his palms on the door, boxing Kaneki in.

"Well?! Tell me, goddammit! I think I deserve to know." The blue haired male gazed heatedly at Kaneki, mouth turned down into a horrible grimace, chest heaving.

Kaneki met his eyes and regretted it. Ayato looked inconsolable, and beyond angry. He wasn't used to this. He had always thought that Ayato had been the stronger one. "It was for the best . . . "

An incredulous and derisive laugh erupted out of Ayato's mouth. "Are you kidding me? For the best? That you lied to me? Said you didn't love me anymore?" A feeling as if a vise had his heart and was slowly and painfully clenching it started to make its presence known to Kaneki, and he breathed out slowly, trying to ease the pressure. It was no good.

The white-haired male looked down, recalling that day, the worst of his life. He didn't want to see the wrecked look that was written across the beautiful face in front of him, and was fully conscious of the fact that he was breathing in the familiar scent that was Ayato. Laundry detergent and a faint hint of cigarette smoke. This was dangerous. He felt his walls beginning to crumble. He would give anything, do anything for Ayato. But he couldn't go back to that place, who they were then. He could not forgive Ayato.

"You shouldn't have lied to me, Kaneki." Ayato touched his warm forehead to the white-haired male's. It was the first skin-to-skin contact between the two of them in three months. It made Kaneki warm, too. The younger male always had that effect on him.

"You shouldn't have lied to me, either."

A few beats of silence. Suddenly, smooth lips smashed into Kaneki's, and not surprisingly easing the vise-like feeling in his chest. It was such a relief to let go of it, to feel a thread of happiness run its course through his veins again, for the moment ignoring the fact that this would bite away at him later. Ayato was the cure, the antidote, to this pain that he had feeling these past few months. There was no holding back anymore. He returned the passionate kiss just as eagerly, a hand on the back of Ayato's neck and lightly holding onto him. The white-haired male could feel the raging pulse in the other's neck, his skin now burning up underneath his fingers.

Ayato pulled back without warning. Kaneki looked at him in confusion, mind hazy with arousal. With narrowed eyes, the blue-haired male unzipped his thick, black coat and threw it one-handedly across the room. He quickly unwound his purple scarf from around his neck, and tossed it toward his coat as well, eyes entirely on Kaneki. The white-haired male had only a second to see that Ayato was dressed in a tight-fitting black v-neck and matching slim fit jeans, the color his usual choice for attire. With this done, Ayato stalked purposefully back to Kaneki, removing the white-haired male's coat and scarf as well. He placed them on the back of a chair, then assertively moved a toned leg so that it was in-between Kaneki's and pushed in on the white-haired male's groin.

The pleasure that spiked through Kaneki then had him scratching the short ends of his nails into the wooden door. Ayato re-joined their lips, kissing him hard and aggressively, taking all he wanted. Kaneki felt his lips being passioinately mashed, nipped at, the other male working his mouth over quickly. His lip was bitten, tugged away from his teeth, as the siege continued. They were both moaning now, the familiar passion that had united them for so long showing its face yet again. It could not be denied. Kaneki felt one of Ayato's hands slide slowly up his arm, over his shoulder, curving at his neck, continuing its trek upward. He curled his fingers into the blue skully on Kaneki's hair, yanking it off his head.

Kaneki hadn't been with anybody since the last time with Ayato. The sudden return of these feelings was immensely pleasurable but it stung spitefully at him, trying to take him back to three months ago, where life had been perfect. How fucking bittersweet. He didn't know if he could do this. Ayato grabbed a handful of his hair just then, yanking his head back, exposing his throat. With the other hand gripping Kaneki's shoulder, the blue-haired male was able to effectively restrict his movements. Dominating him already. The male moved his thigh again against Kaneki's responding arousal, and then began to attack his neck. He felt the skin there being bitten, sucked on. He was being consumed. It felt so unbelievably good. Bliss to give in to somebody else, let them take control of the situation without having to make any decisions.

"Mmmnnh," he moaned. In response, Ayato tightened his grip on Kaneki's hair, knocking his head back into the door. Whether on purpose or not, the white-haired male didn't know. He didn't really care. He put his hands on Ayato's ass, pulling him closer somehow, rubbing himself onto him. With a growl, the younger male broke off of his neck, turning his face to the side.

Kaneki realized suddenly that this same positioning, this exact place was the last place they had done something like this. Full of emotion and forgetting their problems while dry humping against the front door. He came to see that this would only further hurt the two of them. He didn't care how it would effect himself, but he knew that it would further break Ayato. The blue-haired male always had been emotionally wild. Doing and saying whatever had been foremost in his immediate thoughts. So he wasn't thinking clearly of what this could do to him. Kaneki didn't want to shatter any more of the other male's heart, so what he was about to do next would be what was for the best for both of them.

"Ayato. NO." He pushed at the younger male. He hadn't been expecting it, so Kaneki was able to get out of his restrictive embrace, stepping to the side to put more distance between the two of them.

"You're a complete asshole." And Ayato's voice was full of an exposed hurt and a sullen anger.

Kaneki's brown eyes met turbulent blue-violet. He didn't know how to respond. What did Ayato want out of this? And then he understood. The forceful kissing, the aggressive hair-pulling, the war on his neck. Ayato was more than angry at him. Possibly he hated him. Kaneki had wounded the blue-haired male by adding to the pile of people in his life that had said or proved that they didn't care about him, didn't want him, didn't love him. And that pain turned into anger which turned into motivation and guided all of Ayato's actions. He needed to be angry at Kaneki in order to fight off the hurt. And letting the blue-haired male do what he wanted to him right now would help make that happen.

Kaneki closed his eyes softly. He could do this. He would do this. Deep breath in . . .

He walked toward Ayato's room, pulling off his shirt as he walked, revealing pale, perfect skin. Thinner than Ayato was accustomed to seeing. He sat down on the bed, unlacing his boots and pulled them off. They made a loud thunk as he let them fall carelessly to the floor. Then he walked back to the doorway, head down, eyes trained on the floor, bracing himself for the onslaught that was sure to come.

The quick footsteps that sounded on the wooden floor were the only hint that he had that Ayato was coming toward him, for him. The younger male wrapped his arms around Kaneki, picking him up from under the thighs and then threw him on the bed. A huff escaped from the white-haired male, exhaling due to the force with which he was thrown onto his back.

He looked up to see Ayato had his head tilted to the side, analyzing him critically. "Why are you doing this?" A hard edge to his voice. A clench of his jaw.

He could do this. He would do this. "You ruined us, Ayato. YOU." He shoved down the tremor in his voice that was threatening to make itself known. Instead, he swallowed heavily. "You lied to me, you could have gotten my sister arrested. Or hurt. Or killed. " He summoned all of his pain into a glare, throwing it back in Ayato's face, tone full of malice, the words themselves a slap across the face. "I hate you. There's only one thing you could ever do for me now." He despised himself for saying these things. But it was for the best . . .

Ayato's face faltered for a few seconds, revealing a fresh wave of raw emotion, before it smoothed into a hardened mask. Kaneki had never seen such animosity on the blue-haired male's face, directed towards him, before.

With a grunt, Ayato took off his shirt and boots. He climbed onto his bed, staring at Kaneki for a moment with rage-filled eyes, fueled by the hurtful words Kaneki had hurled at him. He grabbed onto the white-haired male's thighs again, effortlessly turning him around so that he was on his stomach. The older male felt movement behind him, the tips of his fingers coming into contact with Ayato's knees as he straddled him from behind.

Without warning, he felt Ayato pulling at his hair again, and his strong left arm forcing its way under his arm, across the front of his body, gripping his right shoulder so tightly he was sure it would be bruised tomorrow.

"Is this what you wanted? Huh? You want me to fuck you?" Ayato spat the words at him, each one sounding like a curse. He pulled Kaneki back against his chest, his breath sounding ragged in the white-haired male's ear. Kaneki remained silent, letting Ayato do as he wished. He couldn't turn his head to look at him, though. Because then Ayato would see nothing but hurt. Barely contained despair. He couldn't do that to him.

With no answer, Ayato let go of Kaneki's hair and lowered his hand to the button on the white-haired male's jeans. After unzipping them, he rudely forced his way under the band of Kaneki's underwear, gripping his cock tightly. Completely disregarding the pained and brief cry that came out of the older male's mouth, Ayato began another battle on Kaneki's neck, one that he would undoubtedly win.

"Hahhh . . . . ahhh . . . " Kaneki felt his breath hitch, the room around him turning hazy again. Ayato was masterfully handling his cock, gripping it more firmly than he had been used to. Slowly and agonizingly he pumped Kaneki, at the same time alternating between rough kisses and soft bites at his neck. The white-haired male was completely at the mercy of Ayato, but the blue-haired male wasn't holding back.

Kaneki could feel Ayato's breathing intensify, out of control. He pushed Kaneki foward, away from his heaving chest, muttering a curse. The blue-haired male pulled off the other's jeans and boxer briefs, unbalancing Kaneki in his lack of consideration and haste. He got off the bed, circling around to his side table, all the while keeping a look of haughty domination fixed on his face. The white-haired male could see Ayato eyeing him out of his peripheral vision, shoulders back, chest out. Rifling around in the contents of a drawer, the blue-haired male soon found what he sought after.

Kaneki felt movement on the bed behind him as Ayato again took a position behind him. He heard the sound of a plastic top pop, and then silence.

"Hahhhhhh . . . "

Ayato thrust a lubricated finger into Kaneki, moving quickly through the motions of preparing the male in front of him, skipping a step or two. Quickly, too quickly, he added a second. Kaneki grimaced, clenching his eyes shut.

"You're so tight now, Kaneki. Like a little bitch."

The blue-haired male received no response but labored breathing. It was time. Ayato took off his jeans, kicking them to the side. His underwear quickly followed. He gave himself a pump or two, eyeing the slender male body in front of him. Beautiful, he started to think, but then switched that off. Weakness, he thought instead, disdainfully. He sneered, climbing back onto the bed, grabbing onto Kaneki's hips tightly.

"You're all mine right now."

He thrusted inside of Kaneki, having applied a minimal amount of lube on his cock. Ayato felt Kaneki tense up and a cry of pain escaped from his lips. His own face tightened in discomfort, but he ignored it.

"Your pain is mine, too."

The white-haired male felt Ayato begin to rock back and forth inside of him, grunting lewdly at the majority of his thrusts. It hurt for a couple of moments, until Kaneki felt his body relaxing, finding it impossible to not enjoy the way Ayato was dominating him. He felt himself responding, pushing his hips against the forward motion of Ayato's. At the next thrust, the blue-haired male hit the right spot, causing the other to cry out.

"Aya . . . to! Ahh . . . uhhhnn. . . "

"You like that? Hmm?" Ayato thrust harder, wrapping one arm around the center of Kaneki's abdomen, pulling him close once again. The other hand trailed down and latched onto the white-haired male's erection, swollen with need. He yanked on Kaneki, squeezing him, pumping him, owning him. The older male looked down, not really focusing on much, until his eyes caught on something that stood out. The room was dimly lit by Ayato's table lamp, the soft glow illuminating their joined bodies in golden light. And Ayato's thin pale fingers contrasted with the dark item decorating his last digit.

He still wore his ring.

Kaneki felt himself spiraling out of control, a weathered house caught in the onslaught of a strong tornado. His emotions varied from second to second, fighting for dominance. Tears of heartbreak started to cascade down his face, landing as silent droplets on the cotton coverlet. This was too much. Ayato relentlessly fucked him hard, holding him tightly, making him his over and over and over. But then, out of nowhere, the white-haired male felt warm drops of liquid dropping down onto his shoulders, rolling down his back. And with a flash of realization, Kaneki knew what was happening.

"Why, Kaneki? Why?" Ayato's voice was deep, but muffled, as he spoke into his neck. More tears gathered on Kaneki's shoulders. Ayato was hurting. And he was powerless to stop it. It ate away at him, like a scavenger on a carcass.

"Why?" A jerk on Kaneki's cock. "Why?" A rough bite on his neck.

Kaneki felt himself approaching his climax, his body completely in Ayato's control. With one last pump, he came, yelling out in passion and despair. Ayato pumped him a few more times, gripping the spent cock firmly, before returning that hand to one of Kaneki's hips. He pushed in harder than before, once, twice, three times, moaning and breathing heavily. And then felt himself fill Kaneki's tight space with his seed.

He breathed in and out a few times, still holding the white-haired male close to his chest, letting the attachment linger. Almost as if he knew this would be the last time. The remnants of his tears trailed down his cheeks. He wiped angrily at them, pulling out of Kaneki, and then moved to his bathroom. Coming back, he saw that the older male was lying down on his side, staring into nothingness. He switched off his lamp and crawled into bed.

Part of Kaneki's mind was aware of the fact that Ayato had returned to the bed and had lied down, his back to him. This was completely foreign territory for him, for Ayato had always needed him close, always needed to touch him. Especially as they slept. They were silent for a few moments, until the blue-haired male spoke.

"I hate you too, Kaneki."

And then Kaneki knew. What they had just done hadn't helped to fuel what he had originally thought was Ayato's anger or hate toward him. The younger male had given him what he thought Kaneki wanted. Sex . . . the one thing that Kaneki had just told him was the only thing Ayato could do for him now. And the blue-haired male had given all of himself, making himself vulnerable again to the man that he loved. Further proven by the fact that Ayato still wore the sign of his love on his hand. The realization had Kaneki turning his short fingernails into the skin of his palm, loathing himself. Ayato didn't hate him.

Silence returned to the room, and Kaneki watched as Ayato's breathing eventually evened out, his body relaxing into the abyss of sleep. A half hour or so had passed, and Kaneki could feel an intangible internal timer beginning to warn him that his time was almost up. He reached out a tentative hand, running his fingers lightly through the midnight blue hair in front of him. It was soft. Moonlight found its way in, casting a ray of pale light into the room and on Ayato's sleeping body. Kaneki's eyes committed the shape of his body, the line of his spine, the angular shoulders, all to memory.

"I love you, Ayato," he whispered.

It was now time to leave, a part of him knew. And he could never come back. Though it was the last thing he wanted to happen, another part argued. GET UP. GET UP. GET UP. GET UP. NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.

Slowly, so as to not disturb Ayato, Kaneki lifted himself off of the bed and silently retrieved his clothing. He put it all on haphazardly, but couldn't find his skully. Whatever. He opened the front door slowly, locking it from the inside and stepped outside. The air out here was colder, and he reluctantly headed toward the stairs. Strangely, he stopped at the mailboxes on the first floor, and stared at #4 for a few moments, tears running down his face. Kirishima. With a deep and weary exhalation, Kaneki closed his eyes and then felt his body moving. Forward and away.

"Goodbye, Ayato."

 


End file.
